Quick update of my professional situation. In 2010 I was laid off from my career of twenty-seven plus years in broadcasting. Those twenty-seven years meant the world to me. Sure, I experienced times of burn out and near the end of my career I had lost my focus. I had been a manager for almost ten years and that took me further away from what I loved to do ... create!
So, 2010, I get laid off just as the summer is beginning. I'm not worried. The company treated me fairly and I was given a good package. I didn't jump on the job search right away. A trip had been planned and I wanted to volunteer at the upcoming Atlantic Film Festival in September. There I planned to network as much as I could. After the festival I started my new career search in earnest. It did not take me long to find out that opportunities for a 50 something Community TV producer were almost nonexistent.
I'm rambling too much. Long story short. I found nothing! By late October I was desperate to find anything so I took a call center job to "tide me over" until my dream job/career came in. By May there was nothing happening so I switch to a different company as an Account Manager and worked out of their call center. I have been stuck there for over four years.
I know that I am not the first to ever be in this position but having already been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety before my lay off, the ensuing five years did nothing to improve my situation. Instead, the act of working in such a structured and uncreative atmosphere drove me deep down into a pit of black despair. About a year ago I was making some progress and attempting to accept my situation. I was trying to make the best of it. Then things started to change at work. The way we worked and the ability to make the extra money to pay the bills changed. At first, I and others in my situation, was told that it was temporary and that everything would right itself with a few weeks, a month tops. But month after month nothing changed. If anything, it got worse.
A cornered animal is a dangerous one indeed. That is what I felt like. So I began to bite back. I started to question policy and practices and demand meetings with higher ups. I wrote a lot of emails. I was and am not the only one in this situation so I thought I would stand up and speak for those of us hurting. We're dealing with a very large company here. As much as I thought my voice would get heard and that I would be treated fairly that was not to be. All I managed to do was paint a bulls-eye on my back, front, forehead and ass. (Lots of room for it on my ass I can tell you!)
So there it is. I am stuck in a very small, very square box. I have a creative soul. I crave being creative but that creativity is stifled by a situation I have been trapped in for too many years. I have found myself wishing hours, days and week's away just to get closer to something else. What that something else is, I have no idea. Some of you will know what I am talking about. And some of you will think that I should just get over myself and do something! I'm trying!
