The Magic Pill

     A few posts back I spoke of my family doctor suggesting my depression might be linked to ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) or ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).  We agreed to see a specialist who would confirm or deign the diagnosis.   The problem was that I would not be able to get in to see him until early summer.  I had asked that I be put on the waiting list and sure enough a spot opened up 10 days ago.
     The day of the appointment I nervously drove to the Doctor's office.  I was 15 minutes early and the doctor saw me right away.  He started asking about my family history and current work situation.  My life with my wife and son and friendships.  As we progressed he took lots of notes.  A few times I asked him to repeat what he said because my mind had begun to wander, my head spinning from information and possibilities.   He smiled and obliged.  I was certain he was going to tell me that I was just the same as everyone else and what I experienced everyday was just the way people lead their lives.  Sure I was depressed but there would be nothing he could do that my family doctor was not already doing.  But he didn't.  I was indeed ADHD.  I said "you mean ADD."  I am not hyper in the traditional sense.  But he told me there are degrees of hyperactivity and many people who are ADHD do not present in the classic way.
     Many people who get this diagnosis are relieved to hear that there is a logical explanation for what they have been going through.  I don't get me wrong.  I was happy to get confirmation but my anxiety took over.  The doctor prescribed a pill.  Biphentin is a form of Ritalin.  It is a stimulant and he told me that "it would change my life."  Change my life.  I have been waiting for that to happen for a very, very long time.  Now the magic pill is being offered to me.  But what if it does not work?  What if no pill will work?
     Before I take this magic pill I have to get back in to see my family doctor.  Because I am on other meds there has to be a consult.  Now there is frustration because now it is almost impossible to see my GP.  I will get in and I know that we will made medication adjustments and I will try the "pill".  The next time I post on this blog I am hoping that I will have been on the medication for a least a week.  I'll let you know how I am doing.
     Fingers crossed.

Heart Break

     Valentine's day is a tough day for many.  For those without someone special in their lives it is a cruel reminder that they are alone in matters of the heart.  Many of these people are going to be down because of that situation.  Then there are those of us who are depressed and have loved ones in our lives.  A couple, or family, in the throes of heavy depression this time of year can be exhausting. 
     If you have someone close to you who is depressed and you are not, then it is very hard to understand what they are going through.  One moment they seem fine and the next they withdraw and become distant.  And the length of time that distance can happen varies.  Once it goes beyond a few days the loved one starts to not only worry but also the isolation is dreadful.
     Why is this happening?  I wish I could put my finger on the exact reasons but I do know that the weight of true depression can cause the depressed person to head into a downward spiral that he/she believes they will not come out of.  They not only lose confidence in themselves but they lose confidence in the ability of anyone, including their closest loved ones, helping them.  The safety of television. a book, food or sleep seems like a better alternative than talking it out.  Especially when you don't know what is really bothering you, why you are acting this way and what you can do about it. 
     Well, here is what you do about it.  Get in to see your doctor and tell them what is going on.  Don't let them talk you out of anything short of a new direction of treatment or some other positive move forward.  Whatever you were doing is not working and waiting months and years for a change will not do.  You may even want to consider a naturopathic remedy.  Seek out those professionals and see what they can offer.  What ever you do ... DO NOT GIVE UP!  Not on yourself or your loved ones.