An Honest talk about Friendship

     I want to talk about Friends.  No, not the TV show F*R*I*E*N*D*S, which is one of my most favorite shows.  The photo on the left is known as an attention grabber and also indulges my love for all things Television.  No, I want to talk about friends as it relates to myself.
     I re-read an older post, the Pain of Being a Wall Flower (Feb. 9, 2013).  It stunned me! Much of what I wrote there was a lie.  I am trying hard to remember why I wrote these inaccuracies?   Yes, I do regress into the background often but I do the same thing with my wife and son.  Even with them I zone out and conversations are short.   I am sure my wife said something at the time about the post, but I likely dismissed it or was in another world.  And outside of the family I am also not really listening many times to what is being said to me or around me.  I now know that it was ADHD affecting me.  It's not that I drop out of conversations, it's that I often don't hear them at all.  I am far, far away doing who knows what. 
      I can tell you that I have been trying to improve.  Now that I know why it happens, I do it I try to consciously engage in conversations.  I find that I am better at the one on one conversations than the group gab fests. 
      Now back to my "Friends" theme.  I have been wondering lately how this has affected my friendships over the years.  I sure many people have looked at me and thought that I was stuck up or uninterested in what they had to say.  No to both of those.  I just could not stay in the moment.  It was like someone had a rope tied around my waist and had yanked me away in mid talk.  I can think back on many situations with friends, family and colleagues, when potential friendships and career opportunities were lost.
      Any of my friends reading this may say that they did not notice it but I am sure if they thought of it, they would remember me as being more of a "listener" than contributing to the conversation.  I say to you, please, if you can, give me a verbal or even physical nudge.  Bring me back.  I don't want to be that person who drifts away and most certainly I don't want my wife affected because I come with the "package".   I want to be a part of your lives and to any new friends I have made recently and those to come ... don't be afraid to hit me up side the head.  I can do better.

Your Friend -- Mike

O' Captain, My Captain

      This is so sad.  What baffles me is how could someone so loved not find the help he needed?  When Robin Williams passed earlier this week I was not prepared for the news at all.  My wife texted me.  I was at my doctor's office and was in a bad state of mind to begin with.  Months with barely enough sleep, my doctor had suggested that I take a break from the ADHD meds and try a sleeping pill.  "Let's see if a good night's rest will help?"  We'll the pill did not work and I could not get back in to see the doctor again for a month.  So for that month I had no sleep and no ADHD meds to boot.  I was waiting to see the doctor when I got that text.
     Anyone who grew up in the 70's followed Robin William's career starting with the wonderful silliness of Mork.  You could tell he was something special.  The way he would go off on tangents and improve.  At that time adlibbing on set even just a little was frowned upon.  He did it for most of each episode.  You could tell by the look in his fellow actor's faces that, at times, they had no idea what was coming next.  For any other performer that would have spelt disaster but for Robin Williams he was just getting started.  His first feature film, The World According to Garp, showed that he could act and act well.  Every performance was one to behold, even the movies that did not "perform" well.  I watched them all.
      From 1980 to 83 I lived in London, Ontario.  I was following my dream of working in television and was attending Fanshawe College.  My roommates and I would listen to my Robin Williams Comedy Album over and over again.  Then it was announce that he would be performing in Toronto, an hour away.  I did not have the money to spend on comedy concerts but I knew a "once in a lifetime" opportunity when I saw one.  The night of the concert, my friends and I waited in the 2nd balcony of the theatre.  When he came on stage the place erupted.  Even from the balcony he had a commanding presence.  I remember vividly how, when a woman tried to sneak to the bathroom, Robin cat called after her.  When she return I think he may have been wearing her coat on stage.  (That part might just be wishful thinking on my part.)  It is a night I cherished.  I think I may even have the ticket stub somewhere.  I hope I do.
     Why didn't he seek help?  The news says he was in the early stages of Parkinson's.  Still, he had lots of productive time ahead of him.  Likely there is something that we don't know about what he was facing.  But he did not have to face it alone.  None of us do. 
     Sad ... so sad.