Time wasted is a crime that is unforgivable. The amount of time spend regretting and cursing and feeling sorry for myself and mostly ... hiding. It pisses me off!! And my creativity. For along as I can remember it was my creative self that defined who I was. Those who know me will agree. They see that I have not been as creative as I was in the past. I remember when, if I had a project to work on, I would stay with it until completion. Even if it meant going without sleep. I would wake up each day and be excited about whatever I was working on. Even this blog, at it's beginning, was a labour of love. I posted at least once a month. Now I am lucky to post once a year.
Something that has embarrassed me is the number of times I have told people that I was working on a new project. A movie screenplay, TV project, self help book, romance novel, painting and the list goes on. Some of you may know that last year I attended a screenwriting boot camp. I came away from it with a solid idea and some real interest from people who work in the "business". Then I returned to work and depression reared its ugly head and that spark was extinguished. I have since spent a year beating myself up over not being able to grasp a great opportunity.
But ... and there is always a but. I can't give up. I have tried to tell myself that it just isn't in the cards for me to be a writer or painter or producer or whatever. No matter how low I get, every single day I get a flash of an idea that has some merit. Depression can't take that away from me. Creativity is too strong. There's nothing I can do about time but with any creative project that I may have or am thinking up, I can START OVER. What do I really have to lose? What do you have to lose? Nothing. If you are in my position or if you know someone who is, just know that there is no shame in starting again. Erase the past and step forward into a new future. And if today does not work for you then try it again tomorrow, or the next day. Even if all you ever do is start projects then at least you are feeling the flame. Go for it. I am ... again.
