Waiting for ...

"What are you waiting for?!?"  That voice is in my head most of each day.  The answer is almost always the same.  "I DON'T KNOW!"  The question that really needs to be asked is, "Why are you waiting?"  I think many people who suffer from depression and other mental health issues are waiting for clarity of mind.  For me, when I can think clearly and can see the steps I need to take to get the "job" done, I am unstoppable.  But when my mind is muddled and confused, it feels like I have stepped in quicksand but don't know it.  I slowly sink down, until suddenly, I begin to choke on the sand.

Last fall, when I made the decision to start my own business, knowing that I would have a lot of challenges ahead, I was excited and scared shitless all at the same time.  There is a lot about running a business I did not, and still do not understand.  It’s frightening to feel in over your head when you have so many people encouraging you and you have a family who want you to succeed.  I try to look at my success.  I need to be proud of what I have done so far.  Having 65 podcasts join a new directory in just under three months is amazing.  And I get so much great feedback from people.  But in business you can’t survive on one accomplishment.  Especially one that does not bring in any revenue.  

So, what is stopping me from making the next decision that will move my business forward?  A few weeks ago, some judges at a pitch competition I was in, told me that my idea was much bigger than I could imagine.  That really scared me.  I’m alone here, and the last thing I want is to have Podcast Atlantic grow too large and then collapse because I could not handle the pressures of a business too big for its sole founder.

So what next?  I must push forward.  I need to get help improving the website and proper social media/metrics direction.  Sponsors for the site need to come onboard and I need that first podcast produced by Podcast Atlantic.  There is outside pressure from the organizations that support me.  They expect results faster than I fear I can give.  One thing I do know.  Depressed or not, this can’t wait anymore.