The Diet Vacation

     This picture was taken on my first trip to Cuba.  Our group took an excursion to the local Dolphin attraction.  Here I am being lifted out of the water by two dolphins.  It was pretty cool.  I would have enjoyed it more if it wasn't for the fact that I obsessed over taking my shirt off.  I haven't been comfortable shirtless since I was about 17 years old.  As I left my teens my life long battle with my weight started.  Irony plays a large part in all our lives and the ironic thing here is that when I look at this picture I wish I was at that weight today.
     For the last month I have been on a diet strike.   That's what happens when you just want to eat what you want to eat when you want to eat it.  You dine out more.  You snack more and for some reason, at least for me, you exercise less.  I know what it takes to eat right and what good even a small amount of exercise can do.   I am just so damn tired! 
     I have tried so many times to get in shape.  I have been a member of Weight Watchers four times, Simply for Life one time and I currently belong to TOPS.  I have tried the herbal approach and I Sweated to the Oldies with Richard Simmons and his Card Counting program.  Some of these times I have had some success.  I could never get to my dream weight but I hovered around healthy.  I should have been happy with healthy and forgotten about trying to become the next male cover model for Shape Magazine.  That was never going to happen.
     As I look at old pictures of my self I realize that I was never in that bad of shape.  I was, am and always will be a big guy.  I have a large frame and most often people think I weigh a lot less than I really do.  We should always embrace the healthy and not the perfect.  Perfect does not exist.  Today I am in the worst shape of my life.  I get winded easily with a burning sensation in my upper chest when I go up stairs.  I am not at all flexible.  Even when I tie my shoes it is a struggle. I look tired most of the time.  My back, neck and knees cause me pain 90 percent of the time and I wear a CPAP mask to bed so I don't stop breathing in my sleep. 
     I have sought out and accepted help from friends and family many times but the truth is that unless I really want it, nothing is going to change.  My diet vacation is over.  Tomorrow I will start again.  I will try to develop a routine of good eating and exercise.  I will try to fit yoga and meditation into my life as I truly believe a healthy spirit is a key component to all of this.  I am not asking for help but I am asking for support and encouragement.  I owe it to the people I love and who love me to do this.
     Wish me luck.